New Airline Charges (humor)
Saturday, July 17, 2010 12:10Due to increased fuel costs, airlines have been forced to cut back on some amenities, and charge for some services traditionally included in airfare.
In addition to some of these changes, this list also includes some changes which, I have from reliable sources, are sure to follow.
* $15 each way for the first checked bag, $25 each way for the second checked bag.
* $25 for x-raying the first bag, $35 for x-raying each additional bag.
* $10 surcharge for x-raying bags over 2 feet in height (since more electrons are used in the process).
* $10 for copies of your bags’ x-rays.
* $50 to have your bags’ x-rays framed.
* $10 surcharge to have your bags’ x-rays touched up so your clothes look more expensive.
* $50 penalty for leaning on the person next to you. If you know the person next to you, the penalty will be waved but you’ll be charged a $50 fee. What’s the difference? One’s a penalty, the other one’s a fee.
* Since much fuel is consumed during takeoff and landing, there will be a $50 landing fee.
* Those who opt out of the landing fee will have the option to purchase a parachute for $500. Experienced skydivers will have the additional option of renting the parachute for $25.
* $100 for little pet parachutes.
* Families will be able to save by jumping together with one super-sized parachute.
* $8 for peanuts in velcro-covered bags so they don’t float away before you pull the ripcord.
* Passengers who miss the airport parachute landing area will be charged $75 to get back into the airport.
* Passengers who’s luggage is lost due to the gross negligence of the airline, will get a free set of x-rays of their luggage so they can at least remember what their luggage looked like.
* After some modifications to plane hatches, all connecting flights will be done in midair, space-shuttle style. All those afraid of heights will be given neck braces to keep their heads facing up toward the constellation Cepheus. Why Cepheus? That’s an extra $10.
* No longer will waiting in a terminal building, after being canceled or delayed, be free of charge. Sitting will be ten cents a minutes. Standing will be three cents a minute. Bending over forward will incur a surcharge of 75 cents. Bending over backwards will get you arrested as a suspected terrorist — there’s just no reason for anyone to bend over backwards.
Will all this improve safety and performance? Probably not. But the exra money will go toward other improvements which will help cut expenses even further. For example, every cockpit will be equipped with a bar to cut down on the time wasted waiting for pilots to return to their planes.
Eric R says:
July 17th, 2010 at 1:01 pm
I understand the difference and I think that it is more about peoples discomfort with the use of racial terminology first and foremost. Many cannot get past that to really hear what Dave chappelle and Paul Mooney are saying.
jessicaj_2007 says:
July 17th, 2010 at 1:33 pm
Title the essay "Why People Laugh" and go from there.
Here is a joke to help you.
A lawyer lies dying, his partner of 40 years by his bedside. "Jack, I've got to confess. I've been sleeping with your wife for 30 years and I'm the father of your daughter, Hillary. On top of that, I've been stealing from the firm for a decade."
"Relax," says Jack, "and don't think another thing about it. I'm the one who put arsenic in your martini."
Nero T. Pickle says:
July 19th, 2010 at 2:58 am
Big Bang Theory has a oddly inflated sense of humor. You have to have knowledge of pop culture, as well as stereotypes, and even basic scientific conceptualization.
Frasier had a great sophisticated humor. Again very well rounded with cultural references, stereotypes, laced with high brow humor.
Rosanne was always a random humor type of show for me. Never sure if the physical humor, familial jabs, or some other wacky joke was going to bring me to my knees in hysterical humor.
I think The Simpsons were also like that as well as Family Guy. Stewie makes jokes that hit me a few minutes later and leave me going, 'oh man did he really just do that?'. But sometimes I'm sitting there going, 'did they really need that?'.